February 18, 2005
Rained all night. Sprinkled on and off all day. Really started coming down at about 4:15. Getting tired of the rain now.

Started a new pill regimen this morning. Went to a homeopathic doctor yesterday who informed me the massive amounts of coumadin I have been ingesting for the past two years is actually rat poison. Allegedly has the same ingredients as Def-con. Always a comforting thing to learn. I'm guessing, but this can't be real good for you.

Gladys and Lowell Helsted from Iowa came by for lunch today. I was the ring bearer at their wedding 55 years ago. Gladys told me that during the wedding rehearsal at the Linden Lutheran Church in Winnebago Township, Iowa I blurted out, "Gotta go Pee Pee!" threw down the pillow and ran down the aisle holding my crotch. This unnerved many in the wedding party, especially my mother. They all held their breath during the actual ceremony, afraid I would ruin everything.

And so, a career was born.

Odds & Ends from the Success Seminar last Wednesday:

• Worst joke from General Tommy Franks: "I love it here. All these cactus. In Texas all we have is Bushes."

• The guy who founded Kinko’s, Paul Chueleska said, "The only criteria for success that matters is do your children want to be with you when they’re adults?"

• Zig Ziglar quipped, "Earthquakes get all the headlines but termites do most of the damage." (be a constant student and keep eating away at your goals). And, "Women want a man they can look up to, but not one who looks down on them."

• When Joe Montana threw his very first pass to Jerry Rice in practice, it was a short down and out which the new guy easily caught. But everyone was taken aback when Rice caught the pass and then sprinted 96 yards to the endzone. He did this on every pass, running as fast as he could go all the way down the field. When he started doing this in real games and racking up the touchdowns, every other receiver insisted on doing the same thing in practice. "It doubled the time of our practices but nobody was complaining," Montana smirked. Follow through, even in practice. That's why they call it practice.

• Rudoph Giulani quoting Vince Lombardi: "I never lost a game. I just ran out of time."

I have a couple other things to report, but. . .

"I gotta go Pee-Pee!!"
—Bob Boze Bell