November 21, 2021
Let's give a shoutout this coming week for all the things that make us thankful. Personally, I am thankful for being called a smartass, because, to me, it's more than halfway to a compliment. It means at least you are thinking about being caustic or funny. On the other hand, if someone calls you simply "an ass," it's really shorthand for dumbass, which is not a complement at all.
My Slang Dictionary says, dumbass means, "stupid, inane and tedious." While smartass—which is a close cousin to wiseass—means a person who is "quick to offer often abrasive opinions, but is usually right."
Full disclosure: there is no mention of "being right" in my Slang Dictionary.
So, anyway, I have always aspired to being a member in good standing of the Smartass tribe. From the time I was a small boy I have been accused of being from that tribe and, at some point, I just decided to own it.
In Defense of Smartasses Everywhere
One of the criteria for being labeled a smartass is to make light of allegedly serious things.
If you are thinking, "Hey Boze, that's not funny!" then perhaps you might think this is funny.
Calling All Smartasses
Okay, I admit it. Sometimes I can be a complete ass but what I really want is to be called is a smartass. Big difference. Oh, and lest you think I was joking about the Slang Dictionary.
Who else has the nerve to admit it?
If you are offended by any of this, perhaps the old vaqueros have something to tell you.
“Claiming to be offended is a great way to elevate yourself at the expense of others: 'Look at me! I'm a much better person than you! And I judge you! I condemn you! Shame! Shame! SHAME! I shame you for being a bad person. That means I'm a good person! Look at how really, really offended I am! That means I'm a really, really good person and you are an asshole!”
—Old Vaquero Saying
So, when I tell you that you plagiarized this quote from Oliver Markus Malloy (Why Creeps Don't Know They're Creeps) it is not because I’m offended. I’m just guessing you didn’t care where the original idea came from and wanted credit for yourself. So you stole it and said it was yours. Again, not offended just pointing out the theft. Ripping off another’s wit to repackage as your own is something dull folks do all the time. That the quote and the posts are all about being honest (and are still warm from being in someone else’s pocket) creates a near fatal level of irony. It reminds me of the truism "certainty that you’re the smartest person in the room is top-shelf proof you’re the idiot for the whole village." Don’t be offended now!
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