Smart Cars 5, Aging Boomer 0

 June 5, 2025

   I absolutely loath smart cars and especially the twits who design them. Your new car engine shuts off at intersections? I'd like catch that little butthead in a dark alley. 

Car tricks have always been devious, but. . .

   About a week ago, my neighbor, Tom A. called me and said an older woman in the neighborhood who we both know was at physical therapy down off Carefree Highway and when she came out her car battery was dead and someone had to give her a ride home. Would I join Tom, go down and jump her battery and then drive her car home? Well, of course I would. He had come to the right place. I am perhaps the best driver in Maricopa County!

Reference Point #1: I can drive a stick!

   I'll save you the hassle of how we had to jump her battery, but suffice to say a Triple AAA battery expert came and put in a new battery ($245) and some two hours after we arrived on the scene, I finally jumped in the driver's seat to drive her late model Buick to her house. There was an immediate problem: the car wouldn't start. I had the keys in my hand and I pushed the start button on the dash, but nothing. Finally, my neighbor came over and said to me, and I quote, "You have to have your foot on the brake." Oh, when did that little curve ball get inserted in the driver's manual? So, I put my foot on the brake and pushed the button and the car started right up. Great. So then I went to put the car in reverse but it wouldn't move. A light on the computerized dashboard said, "unlock emergency brake." After searching in vain for an actual brake lever, Tom came back over and reached in the window and deactivated the emergency brake button on the dash. To this day I don't even know how he did it. In a final humiliation, it was getting dark and I looked for the light toggle and it was all beyond me. Tom came back and programmed in some techie tweak and the lights came on.

   From there I drove the smartass car to her house without any further problems, but I have to admit I was nervous the entire way.

   I get a promotion in the mail almost every week from Sanderson Ford, begging me to come in and buy a new car. They keep offering more and more for my 2018 Ford Flex and I keep throwing away the offers because my Flex does not shut off at intersections. I heard a comedian say he is afraid to talk back to his car and I totally agree.

   End of story.

"Boomer who needs interns to attach files to emails outraged by 'unskilled' workers getting a pay raise."

—The Betoota Advocate

The Legendary Razz Band Is Set to Party Like It's 1978

 June 4, 2025

   Our goal from here on out is to kick out the jams at least once a year. And, believe it or not, it's getting close to that time of year.

The Razz Band Gets Ready to Party

Like It's 1978!

  Led by the legendary Jack Alves, with master hot licks from Rooster Rob Mathiasch and Danny Romero, the Razz Band is going to tear it up at Sharlot Hall in Prescott on June 10. Details at:

Twilight Tales: Bob Boze Bell and the 66 Kids
Date: June 10
Time: 4:00 PM
Location: Sharlot Hall Museum, Prescott, AZ
Tickets & Info: sharlothallmuseum.org

"My friends are gonna be there too. . ."

—ACDC, Highway to Hell

The 66 Kids Are Going to Rock Sharlot Hall

 June 4, 2025

   The Billy issue is out the door and on press even as you read this. Meanwhile, it's time to shift gears and peel out for another blacktop showdown.

The 66 Kids Roadshow is pulling into Prescott on June 10th at the Sharlot Hall Museum. We are going to be celebrating the Mother Road and what she taught us.

   Sharlot Hall Museum's Executive Director Stuart Rosebrook has a fast-action call with True West magazine's Bob Boze Bell and Country-Western musician Danny Romero about growing up along Route 66 and their show "Bob Boze Bell and the 66 Kids" at Sharlot Hall Museum at 4 pm on June 10, 2025. To get tickets go to SharlotHallMuseum.org

"There I was just minding my own business and now you tell me 1965 was sixty years ago!"

—A MCUHS classmate who looks like this guy

Dead Man's Dinner

 June 2, 2025

   At some point, as we age, our skills begin to decline. And although I still think I have it going on, sometimes I see something I did in the past—in my younger years!—and I think to myself, How in the hell did I pull that off? Case in point:

Daily Whip Out:

"Dead Man's Dinner"

   I had read with some interest that Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid ordered sardines and beer at San Vicente on the night they both died. And that inspired me, so I went out an purchased an old beer bottle at an antique store and then I procured an old school can of sardines and semi-opened it, and then placed them both right on the counter in our kitchen. And then I painted it. So this is totally plein air, Baby! The dripping juice, the metal tears, the hint of bones, the dark, opaque glass. All I can say is, I was in the zone. It's the transitions that make it especially good. The highlights on the rim of the tin, the solid table with just a hint of a crack. Yes, whoever did this was younger than I am now!

"Ah, I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now."

—Bob Dylan, My Back Pages

El Guero de Divisadero

 June 1, 2025

    A friend of mine recently bought one of my favorite daily whip outs and got it framed.

Daily Whip Out:

"Divisadero Guero"

(Barbara Zimet owns it now)

   It goes with a story I am developing.

   In the heart of the Sierra Madre at the very top of the uppermost ridgeline, lays the village of Divisadero and just beyond it, to the east, is a narrow pass to freedom.

   El Guero slows his tired pony to a trot to give him a breather, and as he rides through the all but deserted plaza he gets a chill. He sees nothing but empty windows and shattered door frames. He had heard the rumors of a village with 300 widows and he now wonders if this could be it? He suddenly senses something behind him and turns in the saddle to see a weird, old woman closing in on him on foot, wearing a red, tattered shawl. 

Daily Whip Out: "La Bruja de Divisadero"

   Her eyes are beady and intent and she speeds up her walk now that he has noticed her. Turning to spur his horse up the trail and out of town he spies four stout women walking towards him, shoulder to shoulder, armed to the teeth. He reins his tired pony sharply to the right and gallops down a narrow side street. Three empty buildings down he sees a young girl about his age hanging up wet clothes in the back of a crumbling adobe. As he rides by she shouts something to him but he rides on until he comes to a complete dead end. He turns to ride back out and now he sees the same girl in the road. She gestures for him to come quick and as they make eye contact, she mouths the word "Ven."

Daily Whip Out: "Ven"

"Whenever the poetry of myth is interpreted as biography, history, or science, it is killed."

—Joseph Campbell, "The Hero With A Thousand Faces"