An Interview With A Man of The West. Well, Actually He's A 12-Year-Old Boy

 August 20, 2025

   We have a grandson in the house and he is named Weston because his mom and dad wanted him to be a Man of The West. So without further ado, here is an interview with said kid.

Weston, age 12

Are you interested in the Old West?

   No, I'm not interested in the Old West. It's too old if you know what I mean? I don't find it very relevant—too many old people like it. For example, Billy the Kid is dead to me. He's not relatable. I feel like he would have to do something interesting to be cool.

What about Jesse James?

   Never heard of him.

What about Crazy Horse?

   No clue.

What about Geronimo?

   I think he sounds like Geronimo Stilton, a character in a book my sister used to read.

What about Custer's Last Stand?

   Reminds me of buttery pancakes.

Calamity Jane?

   Cancer?

Do you know any stories from the past?

I do know a story. Did you know there was a virus called pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis and it killed everybody in 1857?

Is that true?

   No, I made it up.

Okay, I don't see a career for you in history, but you probably have a shot at standup.

"I'm done with Billy the Kid!

Done.

Done.

Done.

Enough.

I am considering dropping my subscription.

Why? Billy the Kid."

—Curt Beckner, Chino Valley, Arizona