Friday, February 16, 2024

The Sexual Fantasies of A Clodhopping Yahoo

 February 16, 2024

   I am not proud of any of this, but, unfortunately it is all true. When I was 12 I had a major crush on a certain Mouseketeer. And, in my immature, fevered, Kingman brain, I just knew she knew too.

Daily Whip Out:

"My First Hot Mouseketeer Girlfriend"

   I'm sorry, this DWO is not for sale. It is perhaps the best caricature I have ever done and I am having it framed and mounted in a place of prominence in the Triple B Studio.

   Now, back to Clodhopping Fantasyland and the Daily Whip Outs that track the downward spiral of a lonely kid who should have known better.

    A couple years later, I  graduated to this girl.

Daily Whip Out:
"She Knew How to Pony"

   Trust me, she knew how to do other stuff, but she just didn't want to do any of it with me. Later, I pumped gas in my dad's gas station and fell prey to the legend of the Dip Stick which was a total made up fantasy designed to hook naive little goobers like myself. The older guys told us when a good looking woman comes in for gas be sure to check the oil because sometimes they have custom dip sticks that say, "Ask for ass."

Daily Whip Out:
"The Girl With The Custom Dip Stick"

   Growing up in Kingman car culture, I also had a variety of crushes of the cinematic kind.

Daily Whip Out: "Two-Lane Blacktop Babe"

   Yes, that's Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys and "Sweet Baby James" Taylor, and the girl is Laurie Bird and the movie is "Two-Lane Blacktop," one of my favorite road pictures to this day.

An Actual Vegas Billboard, circa 1978

   I grew up 103 miles from Vegas, so I not only got my ideas about sexual fantasies from cruising the Strip, we also cruised Fremont in downtown Vegas and made out with local girls from Henderson, which turned out to be a long drive for a little tongue, if you know what I mean, and if you are over seventy, I think you do.

   "When you study history you realize people have been this stupid for thousands of years."

—Old Vaquero Saying

1 comment:

  1. When I was in high school, I worked for a few months at a Jack in the Box. If one was working the drive through register, if a car with one or more cute girls/women came to the window, we were required to yell, "Price check!" so that one or more co-workers could rush up and get a look. We were so sad.


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