Monday, October 18, 2004

October 18, 2004
Ooops, myself. Yesterday I left out part of the pronunciation of Tonoho O'odham. It is actually pronounced Tone-oh-hoe-Oh-od-ham, certainly a mouthful for any anglo, but especially one from Kingman who has trouble with the word indigenous (literally: Indian-genius)

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More news from the Vegas Venting. From behind the scenes a strange scenario has begun to emerge that may help explain some of the more bizarre behavior at the Friday night banquet. According to my sources it involves a hated school and, of course mountain men.

And don't forget good, old-fashioned American scalp hunting.

Evidently, there is this tradition among the Western History Association tribe of giving a big, ol' nasty looking Green River knife to the incoming president along with the recitation of something called "The Mountain Man Oath." Even among its practitioners and longtime adherents, the oath is conceded as being "hokey" but they are quick to add it’s "harmless."

And don’t forget "humorous." A word that strikes terror into the hearts of the humorless.

The incoming president, Peter Iverson (from crappy Arizona State University) is on record as being embarrassed by the Mountain Man Oath. He thinks the oath is racist and he allegedly demanded that the tradition be stopped with him. He also allegedly had a speech in his pocket, in case the dreaded scalp hunting knife of the dreaded Anglo-Europeans was unsheathed in his general direction.

There was even a rumored plot that involved unlikely conspirators; Robert Utley and Patty Limerick (who caused her own waves back in 1992 at this very gathering with the publication of her book, Legacy of Conquest which ironically started the march towards the kind of scholarship the banquet terrorists espouse, but unfortunately for them, Patty had recently said, "In 1992 I was a young Turk and today I’m just an old turkey," and it was rumored that she was planning, in fact, to grab the knife and present it, blade first, towards Iverson, from the crappy school in Tempe).

Of course this is just rumor and I know none of the people on the other side and it would be ridiculous on my part to make snap judgements about students at a crappy school like ASU, so I won’t go there.

Or, at least, very far, there.

While Bill Kurtis was regaling us with his sensitivity towards “Honeys” with big racks, the ASU undergraduate terrorists, were downstairs getting worked up. Too cheap to buy tickets to the banquet, they were going to come up and storm the bastille and save the day, during the dessert portion of the program (which is free), if and when the knife might appear.

But the politically incorrect blade did not appear. Instead, a painting by the sensitive artist Thom Ross (see yesterday’s posting) was given to the outgoing president.

But you see, the terrorists had worked themselves into a frenzy. They were going to demand a seat on the bus for Rosa Parks even if there wasn't a bus to be had. So they jumped on the "Sweetheart" comment and the insensitivity towards Swedish-Native-Americans and the rest passes for history.

Footnote, ibid.; and ARCA, 48. For the record Bob Boze Bell is not a member of the Western History Association and he has never even seen nor read the Mountain Man Oath but you can be damn sure that as soon as he gets the oath, he will print it right here so we can all decide if it is in fact, racist.

"The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him."
—Russel Baker

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