Lost In Thai Translation

January 5, 2015
   The Thais love English on their clothes. It's pretty flippin' amazing:



Thai unnofficial motto: If it's in English, it's on my chest.



The more obtuse, the better, the Thais say.

   London is hot as well:



How about Boy Kingman? Huh? What about THAT Thai Hipsters?

  There is even a local Zonie baseball team logo over here on a woman's chest:



Arizona Diamondbacks T-shirt spotted in Mae Phang

   But it isn't just Ts, the Thais love to name their businesses with English names and on signs with English names, but somtimes it gets a little warped in the translation:


The Greasy Nail & Spa (right next to the Gassy Bowl)


Well, Happy New Yewr to you too, Thais!


Mai Dang Automotive. Dang, I've got one of those too!

"Would a greasy nail by any other name smell so sweet?"
—Old Samurai Saying

Houseboat vacation

January 4, 2015
   Yesterday we motored up into the mountains northeast of Chiang Mai, Thailand to spend some time on a houseboat moored on Mae Ngat Lake. We parked at the primitve marina (no dock) and piled our gear on a long keel boat and took the ride up the lake:


Tommy and Triple B in the front of the boat with all the groceries and luggage.




We had precious cargo: Pattarapan and her faithful Shih Tzu Hurley (he's eight).

   After a ten minute run we rounded a corner of the lake to see a series of houseboats lining the shores on both sides:


The floating houseboats of Sainatee

   After a feint around the lake (and past two other houseboat enclaves), we swung around for the approach to our floating hotel:


The approach to the Sainatee Houseboats

   The floating compound included a restaurant, at left and our rooms on right:


Our front deck, literally.

   Unfortunately, there was a large group of college kids partying next to us, although they were quite sweet to us and sent over a platter of Thai bar-b-q, which was delicious. Still, the girls wanted to move, so Pattarapan negotiated for us to move down four rooms so we could have a little peace and quiet. We are in the Thai dry season so it only gets up to about 80 in the day and gets down to around 60 degrees, but it was quite nice out. We sat out on our patio, ordered Thai food from the restaurant and played Catch Phrase until the cows came home.

   In the morning, it was very still and beautiful out (the college kids were down for the count).


Kathy Sue, around 6:30 in the morning, standing on the almost empty dock.

   Tommy came out around eight and decided it was time to test the waters:


T. Bell contemplates a brisk wake-me-up.


Thomas Charles heads in.

   We lounged around all morning and took the last boat back at 11. The entire affair, food, boat ride and rooms cost 3,700 Bots ($120). Amazing.

"Winter squash?"
—Pattarapan's funniest answer to our Catch Phrase marathon (you had to be there)

The King And I

January 2, 2015
   Oops. Got the New Year date hiccups. Think I labed yesterday's blog post as Jan. 1, 2014. Speaking of beloved leaders, I am amazed by the ubiquitous of the King. His image is everywhere in Thailand. On the side of buildings, on arches over the highway as you enter almost every town or village, in businesses and in homes. Here are a couple examples:



The King of Thailand on the side of a building



A Wall Painting on a large buiding in Chiang Mai

   I finally realized what it must have been like in the days of kings. There is a loyalty, or, diefication of an individual that defies gravity. We were warned by several guide books to not attempt to talk to the Thai people about him, but, of course, I couldn't resist and got a guy at the Bang A Gong B&B to spill the beans, which was basically this: "We love the king and can't get enough of him. His son, not so much."

The Runner Up Champs of Chiang Mai

January 1, 2014
   We landed in the mid-mountain town of Chiang Mai, Thailand yesterday at about five, after a seven hour drive from Phichit. Went over several mountain passes on the way here and saw many beautiful sites.

   Tom and Amy live in a neighborhood called, of all things, "Land & Houses." Yes, that is the name of it, and the sign is in English. We walked to Sriwalle Restaurant for an early New Year's Eve dinner.

   Like almost everyone else in Thailand, Tom and Amy own 125cc motorscooters which are so much better at getting through traffic in the downtown area. After breakfast at the World of Breakfast in downtown Chiang Mai (inside the moat), we motor-scootered over to Tom and Amy's campus to see where they teach at an international school:


Teacher Tom Bell



Teacher Pattarapan Pothong

   Last semester Tommy was the head coach and Amy co-coached the U-12 (girl's under 12) basketball team. Here are the champions, the C-Max conference runners up:



Taken in early December, here are the Chang Mai U-12 Athletic Conference Runners-up and their coaches, Tommy and Amy Pothong Bell. They made it to the championship game after a triple-overtime thriller against the conference tournaments favorites, but then lost 9-12 to a more rested team.

"WHO ARE YOU GUARDING?"
—Coach Tom Bell's most repeated phrase

Cute American Sayings

December 31, 2014
   The Thais are fond of wearing T-shirts with English words on them. I have seen "Utah Wrestling Team" shirts, "Norton Motocycles" shirts, "Manchester United" shirts and "New York City" shirts, but this one takes the cake.



"Bitch Don't Blow My High" T-shirt seen at a temple in Hmong country

   Tommy tells me it's a line from a hip hop song by Kendrick Lamar. When the boy's father asked us what it means, Pattarapan told him, in Thai, "It's funny."

   Indeed.

A Thai Ceremony

December 30, 2014
   Yesterday there was a ceremony for Pattarapan's late father and grandfather at the Pothong household. The women got up at four in the morning and started cooking, while Po Boon (father Boon) cleaned out the driveway and living room for the arrival of the monks. Here is the feast being prepped on one of the tables:



Thai Feast Table No. 1

   While this might make a lovely spread anywhere else in the world, the Thai keep going. Here is the second table:



Thai Feast Table No. 2

   I wore my best Cave Creek Cowboy gear out of respect for Pattarpan's father, who was a policeman who was killed on duty.

The monks arrived in a Toyota 4Runner at ten:



Seven Thai Monks Arrive at the Pothong family residence

   The monks were ushered into the cleared living room where matts had been set up in the Thai tradition:



We had a ring side seat in the second row. Grandma Ya (the only person present older than me) was in the first row.

  After a few remarks by Po Boon, the monks grabbed a string that they held between them, and then one of the monks chanted something with a fan, or, a kind of auction bidder's card with a handle, in front of his face, (according to Pattarapan, this is to insure the words are spread to the widest corners) and then they all started chanting. It sounded very Native American to me like the chanting I have heard at Apache and Navajo pow wows. I asked if it was in Thai and the answer was no, it's in ancient sanskrit, sort of what Latin is to Roman Catholic ceremonies, I guess.

   One odd thing happened: the Thais are so polite about everything, but in the middle of the chanting ceremony, several guys showed up and started eating at the table next to us and talking loudly. I thought it was very rude, like someone coming into a church in the middle of a sermon and eating Burger King and talking loudly about last night's football game. Evidently, the latecomers were from a station higher than the host and this is considered appropriate. I couldn't quite comprehend this, but everyone else seemed fine with it.

   Afterwards, Kathy helped clean the dishes and she said she had a ton of fun "playing in the water."



Kathy and Jaeo having fun with water, or, as it's known back home: doing the dishes.

   During lunch the host broke out the Singha beer and we elders (that would be the men) went to town. In no time, our IQs were shooting up through the roof and we solved many of life's persistent problems.

"Man who drink too much beer see several men about a horse."
—Old Vaquero Saying

Fifty Grades of Spray

December 29, 2014
   it's time to talk scatalogical, and by that, I mean bum guns. Adapted from the French, the bum gun is in full use here in Thailand. The bum gun is a spray nozzle that you apply to your nether region after a bowel movement to hose out potential dingleberries and to nip in the bud the dreaded "E-Dub," which is slang for "the eternal wipe." For some reason, probably homophobic related, American males do not like to spray their bottoms with a hose. Perhaps this is why Canadians refer to us as "Hosers." Or, maybe not.



I have had Thai fish eat my feet:


Foot Fish Devour BBB's Dead Skin

   But, somehow spraying my rectum area with a hose seems too much.

"FDA to Americans: just eat a God-damn vegetable!"
—Onion Headline

Phichit Perfect

December 28, 2014
   The folks around Phichit (pronounced Pitch-it!) are mainly rice farmers (although corn and John Deere tractors are making inroads) and the area reminds me of northern Iowa with great swaths of farmland and a central community with a water tower. Pattarapan's people are teachers and they live on a quiet street just off the main drag.


Bob Boze Biker Bell in his white hat, white sox and white 100cc Yamaha on the quiet street where the Pothongs live.

   And here's the main street of Phichit:


Downtown Phichit during rush hour

   I've been riding that little motorscooter all over town with Tommy on the other one (the family has two). Really fun and I do get the looks with the white sox and hat. Ha.

   Every meal we've had here is modest, but elegant with at least five, seven, or in this case eight dishes, plus rice. Here is the table last night for our first dinner as a guest of Pattarapan's family:


 A Pothong Family dinner

   Yes, that is my sketchbook at lower left and a Singha (they don't pronounce the "ha" just "Sing") beer in the glass. Here are the dishes we cosumed with great relish: Lemon grass soupp with shrimp and mushrooms (Tom Yum Goong), shrimp with oyster suce and snap peas (Goong Pad Tua Lantad), sour-cured pork (Moonaam), cured pork plain (Naam).

   The Thais don't serve Iowa farm-hand style with the bowls going around and everyone piling on the portions. No, in Thai culture you put a bed of rice in a bowl and then take small portions to put in the middle and you combine each dish with the rice, eat that and then sample another. It's much healthier to say the least. Tommy has lost 15 pounds since he came here last summer and he eats like this every night. He claims it's the healthiest he has ever eaten. In fact, he has a theory:

"Only the rich can eat healthy in the U.S. but in Thailand it's the poor who eat healthy."
—T. Charles Bell

   The irony is that with the growing middle class in Thailand they are starting to eat processed foods, and at chains like McDonald's, Dairy Queen and KFC for a treat (the food is more expensive and considered an exotic treat on special ocassions). So the wealthy in Thailand are eating what has almost ruined our health. Ironic, no?

Elephant Ride Plus Fish Socks

December 27, 2014
    We made a deal with Pattarapan that we would at least try the food, no matter how exoctic, or weird and that we would be open to new experiences. Okay, sounds good.

   First stop: the floating market at Ayatuya where we had, among other things, "horse piss eggs," which were fermented eggs with bizarre designs across the whites and, I have to admit, they were delish. Next stop, a spa where I was told I would get "Happy Feet." I was in the mood to relax and have some quiet joy in my life and if you watch this video you will see just how happy this made me:

BBB Fish Socks

After we visited a half dozen shrines on the island (the area is rich with Buddha shrines and palaces, that were the inspiratoin for "The King And I" about the Prince of Siam):


Bob Boze Buddha?

Our lovely host, Pattarapan, asked us if we wanted to ride an elephant. Well, it couldn't be any more excrutiating than the fish socks, so off we went:


Tommy and Pattarapan on their elephant (being photographed by me, on our elephant)

   Crazy ride, like being a ten-foot-mule, slogging along. They can go through very narrow areas (a series of bike racks, side to side!). The elephants take the tips in their trunks and hand them up the rider. Crazy. Wasn't thrilled about being that high but, hey, I did it!

   The next day we headed up the valley to Phichet and along the way we saw all these roadside vendors. When I asked what they were selling, Pattarapan smiled and said, "A roadside delicacy in this area: grilled field mice." So that's next on the list of foods we're going to try.

   Not a bad day: rode an elephant, wore fish socks and ate horse piss eggs.

"My feet are really soft, now. What's with that?"
—BBB after wearing the "fish socks" for 20 minutes

Bang A Gong Flank One

December 26, 2014
   Took off from Bangkok yesterday with T. Charles driving and landed in the very historic town of Ayatuya (pronounced Eye-Yah-Too-Yah), where we had a reservation in a riverside B&B:


The Bong Are Gong Riverside Rooms & Restaurant (and yes, that is the real name of the place)

   There was a big fire here two years ago and took out the whole block, but our B&B was rebuilt. This is the corner dwelling where the fire started, and is the first thing we saw pulling in.



Burnt House on the corner in Ayatuya.

   Meanwhile, back in Bangkok, Kathy took this photo of me and the kids stacked up Buddah style (apropos, no?):


Family Pyramid

   And backing up to the beginning, as soon as we got off the plane the kids were itching to treat us to street food, Thai style:


First Stop After Landing in Bangkok on Tuesday night: Pah Ya Thai Restaurant a couple blocks from our hotel. Classic downtown Thai street food, located and ordered by our Thai host Pattarapan.

   We had, according to Amy: Rice soup with fish (Kao Thom Pla), vegetables with sea food (Pad cha Talay) and Chinese broccoli with crispy pork (Ka Nha Moo Krob). Total bill 270 bot ($9 U.S.). it was delicious!

   Tomorrow we are going to play a game: whatever the host asks you to eat, or do, you have to at least try it. One challenge involves "horse piss eggs" and another involves elephants. Photographs and video to follow.

"Nation, you know I'm not a fan of change."
—Stephen Colbert

Santa Claus Is Coming to Thai Town

December 25, 2014
   Interesting how pervasive American culture is around the world. Here we are in the Palmer Hotel in downtown Bangkok, Thailand and in comes a Thai choir who lined up in front of the coffee machine and belted out letter perfect Christmas carols in impeccable English:



The Thai Choir Sings Christmas Carols

   Then we heard a heartly Ho Ho Chin Min and it was Thai Santa and his lovely helper who came into the buffet complex and gifted all the good little boys and girls a Christmas gift (I got a spring flower, Kathy got nada).




Thai Santa With A Bummed Kathy Sue Radina

   We're off to the north country today.

"He's checking his list, he's checking it twice, he's going to find out if you were naughty and nice. . ." 
—The Thai Choir getting the words right but the syntax slightly off

Tuk Tuk Taxi Flat Trackers

December 25, 2014
   Enjoyed a wonderful Christmas Eve in exotic Bangkok, Thailand yesterday. As we landed on Tuesday, one of my business class seat mates told me to get ready for some great service in the hotels of Thailand. He is an LA boy who lived in Thailand for 25 years and he claims that nobody does service like the Thais, and that a three-star hotel in Thailand would be a five-star in the U.S.

   The Pullman Hotel where we are staying ($75 a night) is elegant and crisp, with a breakfast buffet that is nothing short of extradordinary: sushi, fresh fruit, custom made egg dishes and every coffee concoction known to Starbucks, all served with helpful aides and waitresses. Even the managers, in suits, stop what they are doing to better serve you. it's pretty crazy for an American who is used to the cardboard calories and you're-on-your-own mentality of the typical American road hotel breakfast buffet.

Took my first Tuk Tuk Taxi ride yesterday on the crazy streets of Bangkok. I raced motorcyles when I was younger but nothing I ever did on a TT dirt track ever approached the level of position jockeying and dare devil bluffing of these fearless drivers. It was one of the most hair raising rides of my life. I thought several times, I have worn seat belts for half a century and now I'm going to die. Amazingly, and to my relief, I did not.



The view from the back seat of our Tuk Tuk Taxi, basically a motorcycle hooked up to a hay wagon. That's Kathy and Pattarapan in th Tuk Tuk ahead of us.

Arrived at a huge Buddhist Temple compound and saw some Thai cavalry outside:



Thai Cavalry lookin' good!

   We were warned that it is rude to show your elbows or your knees in a Buddhist Temple and they had a uniformed woman who yelled at the tourists coming in showing either. The tagged tourists had to go into a rental room for a wrap to cover up.


Buddah Temple Tourists on Parade, Flouting the ban on exposed elbows and knees

   We also learned it is considered rude to point your toes at someone while you are talking to them. Likewise, it is rude to show the bottoms of your feet and you must never talk about the King. No, seriously, you can't talk about him. A Euro-trash kid allegely painted a mustache on a poster of the King near the palace and he's doing ten-years in a Thai prison. Or, so said a knowledgeable source who also looks amazingly like my son.

   It's hard not to be embarrassed at some of the tourist behavior in such a place. I encountered one foreign goober (a German!) cutting in line right in front of me. I fixed his wagon. I pointed my toes right at the dude.

"When in Rome. . ."
—Old Tourist Saying

Kingman Boy Who Go Through Turnstile Sidways Bangkok

December 24, 2014
   We have been flying for 27 hours and on the road for three days, but we are finally here in Bangkok, Thailand. Here is the view out our hotel window on the morning of Christmas Eve:



The view from the fourth floor of the Pullman Hotel in downtown Bangkok

   I'm so buggy and jet lagged, all I can think of is the old fortune cookie chestnut I got in San Fran many moons ago; "Man who go through turnstile sideways, bangkok."

   Full disclosure, I told Kathy I wouldn't make the trip unless I could go business class, so she called my bluff and booked me in what Thai Airlines calls "Privelege Class." Here is the view of my digs as I got on the plane at LAX on monday morning:



Korean Airlines Business Class Seats (yes, it folds down into a bed)

  A better view of the environment (note my slippered foot at bottom):



A Korean Airlines Beauty handing out orange juice and, or, champagne.

  The perks didn't stop with the champagne. Ten different newspapers were offered on a big rack. I chose the New York Times. An hour into the flight we were served one of the best lunches I have ever had in my life. First of all, they served top shelf wine. I chose a 2010 Merlot that was exquisite (I also rewatched "Sideways" later in the flight and laughed all over again at Paul Giamatti's charactor's hatred of Merlot). Lunch was served on linen tablecloths with real silverware and I had the seared scallop with yellow tomato coulis and crabmeat salad with proscuito rose and melon, and then Korean Bibimbap beef with Gochujang hot sauce.  This was followed by a 3-cheese and crackers dish and Haagendass icecream. Ay Yi Yi. Amazing what an extra two grand will do.

   Watched three movies: "The Giver" (weak), the one about the Indian restaurant opened in France across the street from Helen Mirron's place. Liked that. Also saw all the movies on the other screens of my neighbors which included The Expendables 3 (really? there was a call for two more?), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (which had some cool sequences) and one American dude (the guy being served in the above photo) who watched nothing but Cary Grant movies and "High Noon" all the way to Korea.

   The only negative was a small dog who yipped on several occassions and a Korean Airlines stewardess came to my bed and got down on one knee to apologize profusely for the dog yapping, as if I was a King who could flick my wrist and tell her to cut off his head. I told her I was fine. That was a rich little dog though.

   The novelty soon wore off though and at the eight hour mark, one of my seatmates laughed and said, "Only five more hours to go!" We landed in Seoul, Korea at 2 a.m. our time, changed planes and then took off for Bangkok at 3:30, arriving in Thailand at 9:18 a.m. AZ time. Our son Thomas Charles and his wife Pattarapan picked us up and we had street Thai food before going to our hotel. We had spent some 30 hours door to door, but it was worth it.

"Be a messenger with a noble cause."
—Wassily Kandinskey

"Kingman boy who go through turnstile sideways bangkok."
—Old Vaquero Saying

The First Leg of A Very Long Journey

December 21, 2014
   Got up this morning at 6:30 and went out just in time to catch this sunrise:



Ratcliff Ridge Sunrise

   Turned around and caught this a few moments later:



First Light On Elephant Butte, 12•21•14

   Took an Uber cab to Sky Harbor and took off for LA, landed in Burbank and met this little guy:



Look Mommy, It's Grandpa Ha Ha

   I asked Deena if we could try a little diner I saw a couple summers ago and so we ent there for lunch:



An Old Fashioned Local Burger an Pie diner on Colorado in Pasadena.

   Great lunch. I recommend the chicken burger and the butterscotch meringue pie. We head out tomorrow morning for Thailand. A 24-hour-flight.

"There on the western horizon, under a hot, clear sky, sixty miles away, crowned with snow (in July), was a magical vision, a legend come true: the front range of the Rocky Mountains. An impossible beauty, like a boy's first sight of an undressed girl, the image of those mountains struck a fundamental chord in my imagination that has sounded ever since."
 —Ed Abbey, 18

Mickey Free Heads Home

December 19, 2014
   Got up this morning and decided to give myself a birthday present. Went out to the studio and started a fire in the stove and sat down and finished yet another take on the headhunter Mickey Free:

 
BBB Birthday Whip Out: "Mickey Free Heads Home"

   Sorry for the pun, but I couldn't resist. I have had this Mickey-With-the-Severed-Head of-Pedro theme on the brain for the past two weeks. One of our editors, Stuart Rosebrook, is very concerned about the image of Mickey on the cover with a severed head being too gross for our readers. Stuart likens it to EC comics (the gory 1950s comic books that led to a ban on comics), so I decided this morning to give it a more laid back, subtle effect. Not sure it replaces the cover we ended up with, but it is more "tasteful."

"You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on them. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space."
—Johnny Cash