June 19, 2022
Back from a four state, road trip, goose-athon. This is something I have done my whole life, but this may have been the last one.
First a Happy Father's Day shout out to the man who gave me the long distance driving bug and that would be this Norwegian car nut.
Allen P. Bell
On his gravestone it says,
"He loved cars."
This most recent road trip was initially designed to be a car trip all the way to Deadwood, South Dakota where I was giving a history talk, and then back, via Yellowstone and Bryce Canyon to our home. Gas prices put the kabosh on our enthusiasm for that version so then we decided on flying to Denver, renting a car and taking in all the sites on the way up to Deadwood, and back. At the last minute, Kathy had to bail because of a family health issue and so it ended up just being me.
To make up for not going, Kathy booked everything and gave me the first class treatment, including priority boarding on Southwest.Somebody loves their old man. In 25 years of flying I have never been in the A-1 Boarding Group on Southwest. Thanks, Kathy Sue!
Kathy also booked me an upgrade on my rental car. She asked me what I thought of a GMC Yukon and I thought it sounded like a version of my Ford Flex and I agreed it would be fun to be in a bigger, cruising model for the long trip from Denver to Deadwood and back.
In high school we had a guy we called "Goose." He loved to come up behind you in line at the cafeteria and poke you in the rear with his thumb. As you can imagine, this was quite irritating, but he loved it so much we all put up with it.
The Goose Returns
Turns out Kathy got me a Yukon XL Denali, which is actually a tank that wants to be an aircraft carrier. When did cars go to this bulgemobile extreme? I admit I have seen this steroidal growth in some of the local trucks in our area, but dang, this Yukon was a flippin' land barge. Add to that, when I put in my destination in GPS and took off for Deadwood a new "added luxury" kicked in. My Yukon had a function in the driver's seat so that whenever you change lanes without signalling, a vibration-buzz goes off right under your buttocks area. In short, the car gooses you. And, since I-25 is a perpetual construction zone for the first 50 miles of the trip I was constantly getting goosed by my rental car. In what meeting did a group of Detroit engineers come to the conclusion: "What if we goosed drivers in the butt everytime they go over a stripe of any kind? Wouldn't that be an added value? Wouldn't they want to thank us?" Oh, yes, I would really, really like to thank the Gooseheads at GMC, each and every one!
On a related note, on the way home from Deadwood, I hit a long section of highway south of Scotts Bluff, Nebraska where there was zero traffic. It was just me and my Yukon XL on a divided highway heading southbound at 84 mph. Just for grins I straddled the center stripe for about ten miles and got a very nice butt massage the entire way.
It's the little things.
"What's good for the goose is good for the driver"
—The Yukon XL Goose-atron Team