Tuesday, December 06, 2016

The Deadly Dangerous Fifteen Hand Mammoth Jack

December 6, 2016
   So, I woke up the other day and realized The Great Western should ride a big, red, mammoth jack.

Daily Whip Out: "The Deadly Dangerous Fifteen Hand Mammoth Jack"

   Makes sense: a big bad girl would gravitate towards a big, bad jack to ride. So, how realistic is this for the Great Western to ride one of these demonic mules? I asked a mammoth jack expert and here are his comments:

     "Fifteen hand jacks are not concerned about the gentle ways of horse whispering. Most people
keep them in a fortified stall unless it is breeding time. A fifteen hand mammoth jack can be more dangerous than a 17 hand Belgian or Percheron stallion. They are more deadly dangerous. A chain on a strap over their nose will seldom even bend their neck if they take off. I doubt if a zebra stallion could be much worse. A fifteen hand mammoth jack would never back down in a fight to the death with a 17 hand ton draft stud. When they charge into battle, their senses shut down and they have no feeling, so pain means nothing. If a horse charges into battle at 35 MPH, a mammoth jack charges at 18 MPH, and while his charge isn't as fast as a horse,  the jack hits everything in his way like a mad bull.
   "Thousands of middle-aged people switch to riding a mammoth. They are slow, steady and strong and they will walk all day. But a breeding jack is a demon far removed from backyard, pet mammoth geldings. If you ever make a movie of The Great Western or Mickey Free and decide to put them on real mammoth jacks, it will be a real challenge.

Daily Whip Out: "The Great Western On Her Big, Bad Jack"

  "True, Roy Rogers used Trigger—a stud—in films for twenty years, but a mammoth jack on a film set would be one dangerous unpredictable sucker to control from the beginning to the end. If they decide to take off and you have a hold of him, you might as well pull on his tail as try and stop him with the reins."
—Raymond Isenberg

Daily Whip Out: "Mickey Free On His Mammoth Jack"

"A mule is like a horse, but more so."
—General Crook

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