My mother and her four sisters had a way of speaking that was clever and infectious. Here's a list of words they used that I miss:
Hardy Har Har
Words Lined Up I believe good writing is simply choosing the right words and putting them in the right order. So, with that in mind, here's a bunch of words put in an order that is pretty damn clever:
• "I have a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder."
• "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."
• "Borrow money from pessimists—they don't expect it back."
• "Half the people you know are below average."
• "99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name."
• "All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand."
• "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
• "I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met."
• "OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
• "How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?"
• "Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now."
• "I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
• "What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
• "Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?"
• "Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film."
• "If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you."
• "If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?"
• "It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it."
—attributed to comedian Steven Wright, although I believe there are some ringers in here.